


When This Is All Over

by icirruscity



Category: AI: The Somnium Files (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Character Study, Gen, Renju mentioned, Spoilers, man I just wish we learned more about Manaka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28081305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icirruscity/pseuds/icirruscity
Summary: She wondered, briefly, if ants could mourn.A Manaka Iwai character study.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is from the perspective of Hitomi, but the second is from Manaka's since this fic is meant to focus on her. I felt the use of chapters was a better way to break things up (and I promise the next one is a lot less dialogue heavy). Nevertheless, I hope the perspective shift isn't too jarring. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading!

Hitomi walked into the bathroom to find her best friend deep in the midst of giving herself a full-blown makeover. Manaka had half her hair messily clipped to the side of her head, while her bangs coiled around a curler. She was busy brushing on eyeshadow with all the poise and skill of someone who had skimmed one internet tutorial and decided to wing it from there. Her face was barely an inch away from the mirror, which certainly looked like it had seen better days. Its surface was clouded with oily fingerprints and flecks of dried soap which the janitor likely hadn’t attended to since freshman year. Manaka was so occupied with scrutinizing every eyelash and pore that she had completely failed to notice the now painfully obvious presence of another human being.

“...Going somewhere after school, Mana?” Hitomi questioned furtively, rustling the blanket of quiet that had previously covered the room.

Manaka jolted upwards in surprise, letting out an abrupt gasp as she accidentally dragged a long streak of bright coral shadow across the side of her face.

“Woah! You startled me..” she spoke breathlessly, her chest heaving. Instinctively, she turned to face Hitomi only to have their eyes meet in a deep and rigid stare. The stretch of silence that ensued - while small - was thick and disquieting. “...Family dinner!” Manaka blurted out, averting her eyes as she began to busy herself with grabbing obscene amounts of paper towels from the nearby holster.

“...Extended family?” Hitomi raised one eyebrow.

“Extended family. Grandparents.” Manaka was now frantically rubbing the towels beside her eye in an attempt to erase any traces of her mistake. All it really did, though, was serve to smudge it more, creating a reddening, messy blotch that looked more like a painful rash than a conscious cosmetic choice.

“You should probably run those under the sink.” Mused Hitomi, resting a hand on her hip.

“Oh. Right.”

The handle of the sink let out a shrill whine as Manaka turned it slowly. Droplets splashed onto Manaka’s wrists and arms as she shoved her crinkled handful of brown paper towels into the outpouring of lukewarm water. The sound of the running sink made excellent white noise, which did well to dampen the unsettling atmosphere of the sparse looking bathroom.

Hitomi, unsure of what to say next, mindlessly felt around for her cellphone and began to flip it open and closed. The charms dangling from it jingled with every rhythmic sound.

This caught Manaka’s attention for a mere moment, before she quickly diverted her attention back to the mirror again. Now finished with her makeup (and satisfied with the emergency clean-up job), she grabbed a bobby pin off the counter and held it between her lips as she pulled her remaining hair into a tight updo.

“Where are you going for dinner?” Hitomi spoke, continuing to prod her friend with more questions.

“Mmnh mmgh nmh.”

Manaka plucked the pin from her lips and pressed it into her thick hair, leaving it to get lost in the abyss that was her bun. “You don’t have to worry about it.” she stated, much more clearly that time. “What are you doing here anyway? The bathroom closest to your fourth period class is at the other end of the school.”

“Felt like taking a walk.” Said Hitomi, still playing with her phone.

“You never leave class!” Manaka tossed a surprised smirk in Hitomi’s direction.

“You didn’t used to either.”

“Eh.” Manaka shrugged. “Senioritis, I guess.” She tilted her head to the side and brushed a few rogue flyaways behind her ear.

The silence crept its way in again, each mounting second smothering the girls in a foreign feeling.

“A..anyway, it was nice to see you!” Hitomi spoke in a sheepish tone, worried that previous words had sounded unnecessarily accusatory. “Sorry to intrude.”

“It’s fine!” Manaka flashed Hitomi her usual, bubbly smile, though today it tapered off and faded away much too fast for Hitomi’s liking.

“Goodbye.” said Hitomi. Her shoes clicked loudly on the tile floors as she made her exit.

“Byeee~” the other girl sang, giving an absentminded wave of her free hand. Despite the veneer of warmth that coated her speech, it was clear that she wished to be left alone.

Just as Hitomi reached the hallway, she stopped herself. It felt odd to leave like this. She pried open the bathroom door again and poked her head in.

“..Hm?” Manaka stared back at her inquisitively.

“Oh, umm…” Hitomi hummed, seemingly trying to find the right thing to say. “Have fun, okay?” she smiled with a creased brow and tired eyes.

“Thanks.” said Manaka kindly, both looking and sounding much more sincere this time. “I appreciate it.”

The bathroom door enclosed itself again with a creak, then a slam.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This talks about Manaka's relationship with So. It's not meant to be romanticized in any way so I didn't see fit to tag it - it's to serve the purpose of spurring on Manaka's internal monologue. Some of this was uncomfortable for me to write, so I recognize that for some it may be uncomfortable to read. Stay safe!

Manaka felt out of her element at an expensive place like this. A lushly padded chair hugged her back and the glittering threads of an elaborate chandelier cast petals of light across her bare shoulders.

“You look beautiful today.” said So. “Did you do your hair yourself?”

“Y...yeah” Manaka blushed, refusing to meet his eyes at first. By the time she managed to recenter them, she noticed he was leering at her chest. She laughed nervously.

“Your 18th birthday was a few days ago, if I recall correctly. Have you celebrated?” 

Manaka let the question hang in the air a bit before answering. “Well, I mean, my family doesn’t have much money, so…” she trailed off, her voice becoming hushed and low. It felt taboo to admit such a thing, even though she knew the older man was already well aware.  
“No.” she finished, gripping the fork she was holding so tightly that her knuckles went white. She dragged it unceremoniously across her plate, creating a shrill squeak.

“Ah, I see.” So spoke plainly. “Well you won’t be needing to worry about that for a while.” He grinned.

“Right, I…” Manaka stuttered. “Thank you sir.”

“Oh please. No need to be so formal.”

The girl continued to play with her food, poking and prodding at the expensive dish that was much too small considering its exuberant price tag. She felt too sick to take a bite, yet she forced one down anyway, swallowing dryly. 

_It would have been rude not to._ She thought. _He paid for this. I can’t waste it._

For a short while. All they did was stare. Manaka Iwai and So Sejima ate their food without saying a word, with nothing but the bustle of the restaurant’s crowd to cushion the silence.

“I have big plans, you know.” So suddenly declared. 

Manaka stared at him inquisitively in between long sips of water.

“...To reform Kabasaki.” he continued. “It’s where I grew up, after all.”

“Right.” said Manaka. “You mentioned living there.”

So raved on and on about political matters - his ideas, his ambitions, what he said he wanted to do for Japan. They were awfully grandiose, but Manaka humoured him regardless.

She didn’t care if he was lying, if all the goodness he preached was false. She became absorbed in listening to him talk. This was the part of her she hated - the part that jumped at the chance to see the best in people, no matter who they were. It reminded her of why she’d stuck things out for so long with So in the first place.

“That’s...incredible,” said Manaka.

The man laughed heartily. “You clearly have an eye for progress. That’s very mature of you.”

“Well-”

“Also,” So interjected, changing the subject before Manaka could finish speaking. “You’ve been nursing that water for quite a while now.” he flashed her a sly smile.  
“Would you like something else?”

* * *

Next thing Manaka knew, she found herself clinging to So’s arm and stumbling towards his home. Feeling her legs buckle under her and her breathing becoming laboured, she came to the foggy realization that she really shouldn’t have drank. Vague worry ebbed at the corners of her mind like the breathing tide, swallowed by the bubbling heat of the alcohol in her system. _Whatever._ She thought. She was too far gone to regret it now. Besides, she couldn’t blame it all on drunkenness. The pair of high heels she had stolen from her mother’s closet were a few sizes too big, and they certainly didn’t make her look very coordinated.

Her eyelids fluttered open and closed as she rested her head against So’s chest, feeling the rough fabric of his clothes on her reddened cheeks. Though her vision was hazy, she took a moment to survey her surroundings. The sky was dark and overcast, and Manaka came to another realization - that she had absolutely no idea what time it was. She remembered leaving the restaurant, getting inside a shiny black sudan, and then being driven out to Azabu - the shrill whine of car tires treading on the still rain-slick roads from hours past. A deadpan bodyguard with a perfectly pressed suit had let her into the vehicle, and a carbon copy of the exact same guard had let her out, giving her a terse welcome as he bowed in her direction. Not once during that sequence of events did she notice the sun beginning to dip behind the horizon or the stars crawling their way out of hiding.

She stared at the quiet monolith that was the Sejima residence - with its withered wooden pillars and an exterior that seemed to stretch for miles - and let her inhibitions drift further and further away, soaking up the warmth that radiated outwards from her core. The only sound that filled her ears was the slow trickle of the koi pond under the stone bridge beneath her. Looking down in an attempt to catch a glimpse of the fish, she found the ground swaying ever-so-slightly below her feet. 

The sudden vibration of her phone served as her tether back to reality. Hastily, she fumbled it out of her purse and squinted at the screen.

_Hitomi - 11:03 PM_  
_Where are you?_

She told herself she would respond to that later. 

Off in the distance, amongst the abundance of mossy garden rocks and well-pruned topiaries sat what appeared to be a young boy. He was wearing traditional-looking garb similar to what So wore - a flowy mess of grey fabric that pooled around his wrists and ankles as he knelt on the grass. The soft light emanating from the surrounding lanterns cast a warm glow on his shock of light-colored hair, and created harsh shadows that lined the folds of his clothes. Upon closer inspection, Manaka noticed that the boy was kneeling by an anthill - studiously observing the machinations of the creatures as they poured out of the ground and onto the lush grass. He watched patiently as the ants marched, forming a neat line that eventually twisted into a spiral. The boy reached down with surgical precision and picked up a few ants between his forefinger and thumb, barely sparing a moment before immediately squishing them. He brushed his hand off on his hakama as he stood, before lifting his foot and savagely stomping all over the hill, his movements erratic and violent. The ants scattered beneath him, abandoning their spiral and fleeing wildly in different directions, desperate to escape. Fortunately, their torment was short lived, as another one of the faceless guards swooped in to grab the boy by the shoulder and drag him away.

Manaka stared up at So questioningly, tugging at his sleeve.

“I didn’t know you had a son.”

She felt every muscle in his body go rigid.

So kept walking, now more briskly than before, dragging his young mistress along with him. He did not reply - it seemed that he had pretended not to hear her. This was short lived, however, as on the front steps of the house he was forced to answer her query directly.

“He wanted to play outside.” said the guard, who was flanked by what Manaka presumed to be a housekeeper or maid. The boy stood solemnly between them - not moving, not speaking, and certainly not rejoicing at the sight of his father having arrived home.

“It’s well past his curfew.” So said curtly, gritting his teeth. “Put him to bed.” His entire demeanour had changed in an instant. 

Manaka took a closer look at the mysterious boy. He was tall for his age - baby faced, save for the wrinkles that lined the inner corners of his eyes. His father had them too, though Manaka always assumed they were due to age. In reality, they appeared to be genetic. 

Cautiously, Manaka approached him. _How does one talk to children?_ She thought, mulling things over in her mind. _Hitomi wants to be a teacher, right? What would she do?_ She took a deep breath in, attempting to channel her best friend.

She rested her hands on her knees and squatted down to the child’s level, not having to bend far. Cocking her head to one side, she flashed him a big, bright smile. 

“Hi!” she said, blue eyes wide and voice honey-sweet. “It’s so nice to meet you!”

He stared back at her, vacant and empty - as if he were a painting of a human boy, not a real one. Near imperceptibly, he narrowed his gaze - thin brows lining hawkish eyes - and studied Manaka intensely, sizing her up. The way he looked at her was entirely foreign; it felt nothing like the way it did when Hitomi admired one of her new outfits, or when So ogled her lecherously when he thought she wouldn’t notice. This child glared at her the way a housecat does at a small bird it has already killed - apathetic, disdainful, _not worth its time._ This feeling went straight to the base of Manaka’s neck, making her hair stand on end. His gaze did not waver once, as he continued to look right through her - down her throat and into her lungs, watching her breathe. 

Manaka hummed softly, raising her hands to fidget with the necklaces she wore. One was long and silvery - a gift from So on their first meeting - and the other was short and gold - part of a friendship jewellery set she had bought with Hitomi in second year. She pursed her lips tightly.

“Well, don’t just stand there!” So snapped at his attendants, making Manaka twinge at the sudden loudness of his voice. “What the Hell do I pay you for!?” His face contorted into an expression she had never seen him wear, an exasperated kind of anger that splintered at the seams - an emotion difficult to fully articulate or place.

Wordlessly, the maid extended her hand to the boy’s and grabbed it firmly, leading him through the entrance of the mansion to somewhere that was likely far, far away. The stoic-looking guard trailed close behind, dutifully monitoring the back of their single-file line the way one does when watching over prison inmates.  
As they watched the servants walk away with the boy, Manaka turned to face So.

“You could stand to be a little nicer to him.” said Manaka.

So did not utter a word.

* * *

Manaka groggily opened her eyes. She was unsure what woke her, as everything was still and quiet. The alarm clock on the nightstand next to her read 3:01 AM, its incessant blinking rhythmically bathing the walls in a muted sea of red. Such a modern, mechanical looking item felt strangely out of place in a traditional-looking Japanese bedroom. 

_Blink. Blink. Blink._

Her body shifted against the bed, enveloped by silky sheets with a thread count infinitely higher than anything she had ever thought possible. Though they were hazy, Manaka reviewed the night's events in her mind, replaying them over and over. She had never meant to stay, but before she knew it, she was there. Would her parents even notice she was gone? She doubted it. Her mother was likely tired and worn from working back-to-back shifts again, with no time to pay any mind to her daughter’s whereabouts or safety. She felt something gnaw at the pit of her stomach, but she smothered it down. 

_Blink. Blink. Blink._

Then, in the light of the alarm clock, Manaka caught sight of something in the doorway. Curious, she slowly turned her head to look.

_Huh? The door is open?_ She thought. She could have sworn they _definitely_ left that closed.

The shape standing in the doorway was, presumably, the boy - though it looked more like the shape of a creature than that of a child. Manaka could only see the contours of his body, no features - an unnatural, contorted silhouette of black on darker black. The outline of his left hand was balled into a fist, while the other sat tucked behind his back. Every time the ominous glow of the clock flickered on, he appeared in the doorway like an apparition, watching silently. Manaka struggled to believe if what she was seeing was real.

_Blink. Blink. Blink._

Frantic, she sat up in bed, peeling off her covers and staring out into the darkness.

But he had disappeared. The floorboards creaked as the creature slinked away into the house, back to wherever it had come from.

Despite the creeping sense of unease that constricted her throat, Manaka brushed it off.

 _Maybe he just wanted his father._ She thought, _But are children supposed to bother their parents for attention at night when they’re that age? I certainly didn’t._ Though it was in the nature of a rich boy to be coddled, she supposed.

Getting lost in a dream, she fell back asleep just as quickly as she had awakened.

* * *

The coming morning, Manaka rose at the crack of dawn, hastily grabbed her things, and waited patiently for her ticket back into regular society.

“I’ll call someone to escort you.” So spoke flatly, ushering her out the door without so much as saying goodbye. 

Heading out the front door, she took a minute to admire the steady sunrise - a brief moment in which she forgot where she was, who she was, or what she had been doing. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the anthill - sitting stiff and unshaken, the ants still pouring out steadily. Despite their decrease in numbers, they still went about their tasks - forming the same tidy spirals. _Were the ants,_ she thought, _aware that a tragedy had occurred yesterday? If there was only one ant left, would it still keep marching?_

She wondered, briefly, if ants could mourn.

Manaka could see the reflection of the sun’s rays in the bodyguards' opaque glasses as he robotically opened the car door for her. She was unsure if he was the same one from last night, or the night before, or any other of the numerous times she had vanished from the face of her normal life and washed up in Azabu. As she climbed in and rested her head against the tinted windows, the driver glanced back to make sure she had her seatbelt on, as though he thought her incapable of caring for herself. 

The same black vehicle drove through the streets, passing by various roads and bridges that overlooked the harbor warehouse district. They were set to make a stop just far away enough from Manaka’s home that she could walk there on her own, a spot so inconspicuous and sequestered that no one would notice a teenage girl clambering her way out of an unmarked car - makeup smudged, hair messy, and cocktail dress sitting twisted and wrinkly on her body. To her family, she was out partying, to her friends, she was with her family, and to herself, she was doing what must be done. As she mindlessly fiddled with her phone, she realized in horror that she had forgotten to respond to Hitomi’s text message.

She poised her fingers above the keypad. _I’m fine, was just out at the restaurant for longer than i thought_ \- not entirely a lie. _Sorry for worrying you! ( ´･ω･)_ she typed, adding an emoticon for some typical Manaka flair.

Hitomi responded more quickly than she had anticipated.

_It’s okay, it happens._

_Did you at least have Ren to keep you company?_

_He said he was busy at his new job._

Manaka was suddenly assaulted by a pang of overwhelming guilt. She flipped her phone closed, sighing deeply. She was so ashamed of herself for putting them through this. Hitomi and Renju were her two best friends, and she herself had been the one to drive a wedge between all three of them, tearing them apart in a way that stung - agonizing and slow. It was in that moment, as she peered out the car window on that lazy fall morning and watched the skyscrapers fly by, that she realized that her life could no longer continue like this. Slowly, Manaka brought her hands together, palms touching in a silent prayer to a God she had long assumed could never hear her, and made a promise.

_When this is all over_ , she thought, _I’m going to be the best friend I can possibly be_. She took another heaving breath, repeating those words in her brain like a mantra. _Because they deserve it._

She vowed to be there for them for the rest of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been absolutely enamored with AITSF for over a year now, and I finally got around to writing about it.   
> I love to explore under-developed characters that do not get much attention and I think Manaka fits that bill. I really wish we got to learn more about her in canon, whether that be about her time at Eitoku high, her family situation, or anything of the sort. But hey, I guess if Uchikoshi did that, then there would be less room for fanwork!
> 
> I'm still new to using this site and publishing stuff in general, so please tell me if there are any formatting or tagging errors.  
> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
